Many times, marriages come on the verge of divorce! Still, both partners want to make it work somehow for their kids or family. Under such circumstances, marriage therapy could play a vital role in saving a marriage, if there is even a little room for it.
What is Marriage Therapy?
Marriage therapy or marriage counseling is a kind of psychotherapy that involves licensed therapists for its conduction. This therapy focuses on all the positive and negative aspects of a couple’s married life and aims to find out ways to save their marriage.
The goal of therapists is to counsel both of the spouses to diagnose, address, and resolve their issues, simultaneously directing their relationship towards survival.
Upon interaction with renowned marriage therapists, we have successfully composed a listing of the common yet impactful suggestions given during marriage therapy!
Stop Bringing Up The Past In Every Argument!
After communicating with a lot of couples, many of the therapists found out that when a conflict occurs between spouses, it escalates more only because they keep quoting past events and thus there argument does not restrict to the present conflict, but it extends about all the events that have had happened since the beginning of their married life.
The very first advice that a therapist gives is to leave the past in the past. To resolve the issues and maintain peace, both of the spouses should stick to the current point and discuss it with an open mind. It’s necessary to bury the hatchet of the past and forgive each other. Sticking to the past and blaming each other for old events would not only create tension but would also end your peace for sure.
Be The Good Listener
The most common reason for a failed marriage is the lack of communication. A marriage therapist would always suggest you have effectively adequate communication with your partner.
Listening is an essential part of communication. Most spouses don’t invest time in listening to each other properly and when during therapy they get to listen to each other, they get stunned to learn about each other’s emotions and struggles. Active listening is one of the most powerful tips given during counseling.
Both of the spouses must listen to each other or else the issues of married life could neither be resolved nor there would be a mutual understanding.
Accept Your Partner With All Flaws
Humans are not perfect! All of us have flaws which people who love us and are in any relation with us, happily accept. Just like you bear your sister’s tantrums, parents’ anger, and siblings’ disturbing habits, you need to do bear your spouse’s nature too. Instead of pointing out their flaws, you should embrace them with all their positive and negative traits. That’s what tough love demands!
Accepting each other completely also strengthens assurance and bonding between partners.
Don’t Hold Grudges
Remember, you both are a team and teamwork can’t succeed if the teammates hold grudges against each other. Instead, learn to forgive and move on. Be the first one to make a move; if you take one step forward your spouse will take 10 more towards you.
Some voids could permanently cement in between spouses if they keep waiting for each other to move forward. In spite of this, try initiating things or get back to a normal routine without being egoistic. As someone will have to sacrifice the pride and ego!
Make Adjustments And Sacrifices
No two persons could be exactly alike in terms of their interests and nature. So, when two people get into wedlock, both of them should get ready to make adjustments and sacrifices. Every therapist suggests this!
Both of the spouses have to adjust per each other’s likes and dislikes, routines, and nature. Many times, all of the adjustments are being made by one spouse and this creates frustration. Often it is due to the lack of communication. But remember, marriage goes two-way roads, and a happy married life demands sacrifices from both partners.
Build Mutual Support System
The spouses should be the ultimate support system of each other. Commonly the outcome of the therapy session is based on developing a support system.
When one of the partners is having a hard time, the assurance of support from the better half makes things quite easy and relieving. If any partner is unhappy and exhausted, the marriage would fail due to their inability to put effort and focus. That’s why understanding and support are essential elements.
Both of the partners need to support each other physically as well as emotionally. From helping each other in routine tasks to consoling and problem solving, from listening to each other’s rants still staying with each other silently, you both need to be there and stick around to each other to sail the drowning boat of your marriage.
Work On Your Temper
When in between argument the temper of any spouse flares up, the situation goes out of hand. Upon counseling, the therapists concluded that the couples argue over minor things but it’s their temper and rage that becomes the cause of destruction between them hence, most of them are advised to work on their anger issues. Here are some key tips to get over your anger issues:
- Avoid conversation when you are angry
- Leave the room or area when you see your spouse raging up and spare the discussion for some other time
- Don’t say things which you’ll regret later, in the rush of emotions
- Do not abuse each other verbally or give divorce threats
- Practice mindfulness, yoga, and other exercises
- Don’t attack each other’s insecurities
- Don’t make decisions when your temper flares up!
Take Responsibility Of Your Actions
While counseling married couples, the therapists not only tend to identify the issues and their solutions, but also the partner responsible for respective issues so that improvements could be made.
Without taking responsibility for your actions, you couldn’t resolve the conflicts with your partner and ensure your trust and loyalty. It’s not the fault but the denial of those faults that upsets your better half. By admitting your faults, you make your partner respect and understand you.
Talk About Sexual Needs
One of the many reasons why marriages fail is the lack of sexual satisfaction. Couples don’t talk about their sexual needs, and it’s only during the counseling that they get to know how sexually frustrated and unsatisfied their partner has been all along. Counselors advise couples to be open about their sexual needs and tell what they like and what they don’t. many counselors also suggest the use of a glass dildo, a sex toy that helps max sex a lot more pleasurable for the couple! The key here is to talk!
Marriage counselors have seen many relationships break and many relationships get rescued. Most of the suggestions listed above should be followed from the beginning of the marriage. They are nothing out-of-the-world. What matters at the end of the day is how open two people are to each other about everything.