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Warning signs your child is a goth, brought to you by the overreacting church

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by The Dark Elf, Feb 2, 2005.

  1. The Dark Elf

    The Dark Elf Newbie

    I can't stop laughing at it. The sad thing is its probably something that the church really put out lol.

    -------

    Listed below are some warning signs to indicate if your child may have gone astray from the Lord. Gothic (or goth) is a very obscure and often dangerous culture that young teenagers are prone to participating in. The gothic culture leads young, susceptible minds into an imagined world of evil, darkness, and violence. Please seek immediate attention through counselling, prayer,

    and parental guidance to rid your child of Satan's temptations if five or more of the following are applicable to your child.

    -Frequently wears black clothing.
    -Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
    -Wears excessive black eye makeup,lipstick or nail polish.
    -Wears any odd silver jewelry or symbols.
    -Shows an interest in piercings or tattoos.
    -Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music. (Marilyn Manson claims to be the anti-Christ, and publicly speaks against the Lord. Please discard any such albums IMMEDIATELY.)

    -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
    -Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
    -Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.
    -Takes drugs.
    -Drinks alcohol.
    -Is suicidal and/or depressed.
    -Cuts, burns or partakes in any other method of self-mutilation.(This is a Satanic ritual that uses pain to detract from the light of God and His love. Please seek immediate attention for this at your local mental health center.)

    -Complains of boredom.
    -Sleeps too excessively or too little.
    -Is excessively awake during the night.
    -Demands an unusual amount of privacy.
    -Spends large amounts of time alone.
    -Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.)
    -Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
    -Disregards authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
    -Misbehaves at school.
    -Misbehaves at home.
    -Eats excessively or too little
    -Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.
    -Drinks blood or expresses an interest in drinking blood. (Vampires believe this is how to attain Satan. This act is very dangerous and should be stopped immediately.)

    -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

    -Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
    -Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.
    -Makes Satanic symbols and/or violently shakes head to music.
    -Dances to music in a provocative or sexual manner.
    -Expresses an interest in sex.
    -Masturbates.
    -Is homosexual and/or bisexual.
    -Pursues dangerous cult religions. Such include: Satanism,
    Scientology, Philosophy, Paganism, Wicca, Hinduism and Buddhism.
    -Wears pins, stickers or anything else that contains these various phrases: "I'm so gothic, I'm dead", "woe is me", "I'm a goth".

    -Claims to be a goth.

    If five or more of these apply to your child, please intervene immediately. The gothic culture is dangerous and Satan thrives within it. If any of these problems persist, enlist your child into your local mental health center.
  2. Jangle

    Jangle Tank


    that means most people on this forum are goths.

    oh well, i'm off to dance to music in a provocative or sexual manner.

    :LOL:
  3. RRunner

    RRunner Newbie

    Oh my, my son is a Goth......better kill him be4 im finaccialy ruined by doctor bills.....
  4. CptStern

    CptStern suckmonkey

    LoL a lot of that describes me ...well except the lipstick and eyeshadow ..I can never find shoes to match my lipgloss ..oh what's a fashionista to do?!?
  5. Shippi

    Shippi Tank

    :LOL: :LOL:

    "-Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this."

    I can't stop laughing at that :p
  6. Bwahaha! Definately some of the most moronic things I have ever heard.

    "Your child may be a Goth if: Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this." :LOL:

    EDIT: Grrrr Ya beat me to it SHIPPI. :O
  7. Pressure

    Pressure Newbie

    -Expresses an interest in sex.
    -Masturbates.

    Uh oh!
  8. KoreBolteR

    KoreBolteR Tank

    it burns me up,
    are religios people really going to swallow this, i feel sorry for the little goth kid whos has VERY religious parents...

    -Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your chid may speak to evil sprits through meditation.) - The Church

    laughable

    -Misbehaves at home.

    -Takes drugs.

    -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.

    -Shows an increasing interest in death, vampires, magic, the occult, witchcraft or anything else that involves Satan.




    im ashamed of you cpt :rolleyes:
    i was tempted to replace the word satan for "terrorists" :p
    that would have made more sense :angel:
  9. HunterSeeker

    HunterSeeker Newbie

    WHoa! Myself and everyone I have ever known are goth!
  10. AcousticToad

    AcousticToad Newbie

    How is that different than the current world?
    Knew there was something funny about that Prince Charles fella.
    Everyone then?
    No comment :sleep:
    Everyone who meditates will speak to evil beings?
    Wow...
    Who would actually take their parents out with them?

    With whats said up there, 40-50 percent of the world is Gothic, maybe more.
  11. The Monkey

    The Monkey The Freeman

    Which is worse?
  12. oberGeist

    oberGeist Spy

    I have more of those warning signs than true goths (lots >5)

    does that mean I'm like ubergoth???

    wow

    cool

    all those pierced and tattoed chicks are mine!!!!

    muwhahahaHAHAHAHAHA
  13. CptStern

    CptStern suckmonkey

    I'm the father in my household, who's rules am I breaking? my own?

    dont drink coffee? tea? drink alcohol? do you drive a car? I dont take drugs ..just one kind

    huh? I'm in my 30's most of the people I interact with wear business suits ...so ya I can see the link to satan :E

    nah, I prefer Half-life2 to vampire bloodlines any day ..oh wait I play World of Warcraft ..is that satanism? oh ya the elves have pointy ears ...must be the work of SATAN!!



    oooooookayyyyyy :O
  14. NeptuneUK

    NeptuneUK Space Core

    the church is right yet again... and there i was stupidly thinking that goths are cool....

    they are.

    whats more evil? a community in which most of the people waste all of their lives worshipping god (even though its not like they killed someone or anything, so why spend all your life doing this? whats so great about this god?) and trying to force thier own veiws and ways of life on other people (weaker people, like children who dont know any better and cant choose things for themselves) these people also disagree with everyones elses lifestyles and discriminate against other kinds people and make outragious claims.

    then theres the goths, people who choose not to live by society's norms and enjoy themselves through sociable events with each other and dont bother anyone else. purest of evil...
  15. baron insig

    baron insig Newbie

    Just goes to show what a load of bolluks and brain washing christianity and some ohter religins can be

    However i think that religions which are more like a set of rules to abide by to make the world a nicer place are very very good!

    however im obviioussly a goth as a i play counterstrike and role playing games - no not a obsessed D & d nerd but yes a GOTH!! omg
  16. Naudian

    Naudian Tank

    I am so "astray from the lord" that its funny

    I wonder if theres ever gonna be a time where theres no more stupid religions like this...just science
  17. No Limit

    No Limit Party Escort Bot

    Well shit, I didn't know every person in this world was goth and worshiped satan.
  18. The Dark Elf

    The Dark Elf Newbie

    hehehe :p

    I'm waiting for one of the overly religious peeps who agree with these to come along and wriggle out of it :E
  19. Fat Tony!

    Fat Tony! Newbie

    news just in: Its a joke :p... and a damn good one at that. Good find! :D
  20. Axyon

    Axyon Newbie

    25/37, not a bad score at all!

    Oh, wait, this isn't a competition?
  21. The Dark Elf

    The Dark Elf Newbie

    Based on the real behavior of some overly religious groups yes. Where they really do come out with that kind of stuff, which just makes it funnier :p
  22. 22/37 ;(

    You beat me.
  23. Axyon

    Axyon Newbie

    Bwahahaf! Excuse me while I drink blood and violently shake my head to Satanic music!
  24. nick_t

    nick_t Newbie

    LOL Count Chocula is evil!
  25. Lemonking

    Lemonking Newbie

    gothic chicks are hawt I know a few of them their really pervert and sruff no kidding its true
  26. Hercules331

    Hercules331 Guest

    Id rather be a cryin little pussy than a faggy goth kid.
  27. Kommie

    Kommie Guest

  28. Absinthe

    Absinthe The Freeman

    -Insists on spending time with friends while unaccompanied by an adult.
    -Expresses an interest in sex.
    -Masturbates.
    -Wears band and/or rock t-shirts.
    -Listens to gothic or any other anti-social genres of music.
    -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak eccentrically.
    -Shows a declining interest in wholesome activities, such as: the Bible, prayer, church or sports.
    -Takes drugs.
    -Drinks alcohol.
    -Complains of boredom.
    -Sleeps too excessively or too little.
    -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources.
    -Plays videos games that contains violence or role-playing nature.
    -Uses the internet excessively and frequently makes time for the computer.

    OH ****, I HAD NO IDEA I WAS A GOTH.


    TBH, that's all probably fake. I'm sure of it. Count Chocula, the breakfast of pagans? Gimme a break.
  29. SupremePain

    SupremePain Newbie

    hmm i read this thing somewhere before lol, funny stuff
  30. f|uke

    f|uke Newbie

    LoL,. I qualified for most of those when I was younger. I had no idea I was a Goth :rolleyes: (I was a little bit Industrial at times, but never Goth).

    Some of these are f'n great!!

    -Eats goth-related foods. Count Chocula cereal is an example of this.

    LOL!!! That is SO HARDCORE GOTH. Count Chocula!! ! :LOL::LOL:

    -Watches cable television or any other corrupted media sources. (Ask your local church for proper programs that your child may watch.)

    OMG!! Hes watching Comedy Central!! :eek:

    -Complains of boredom.
    -Expresses an interest in sex.
    -Masturbates.

    Yes, its called BEING A TEENAGER.

    Someone needs to smack some sense into these people.
    Cheers for the laugh, DarkElf


    ..hey,. "DarkElf"?,.. YOU'RE A GOTH!! :eek:

    BTW, whats your source on this?
  31. lePobz

    lePobz Tank

    Where's the 'Warning signs your child is a Christian' ?
  32. f|uke

    f|uke Newbie

    Oooh, good idea.
  33. kupocake

    kupocake Tank

    :O i managed to recognise 20 of the symptoms in myself. I'm turning into a Goth. Plz help!
  34. CptStern

    CptStern suckmonkey


    LoL, hilarious!!! ...can someone write one so I can tape it to my fridge?

    *stern eyes 15 month old son for signs of godliness*
  35. The Dark Elf

    The Dark Elf Newbie

    lmao now that would be fun to see.
  36. Shippi

    Shippi Tank

    lol! :LOL: :LOL: oh man, now that I want to see lmao
  37. Steve

    Steve Tank

    Dude, with the exception of the black clothing and the music and a couple other things, I'm ALL of those...if I could describe myself as anything, it would be "preppy". Jeez...those crazy church folk.
  38. f|uke

    f|uke Newbie

    Heres what I've got. I'd do more but I really dont have the time

    All enterys are based off of the Goth list. Please add or adjust!!

    Warning signs your Child is a Christian:

    -Frequently wears 'pure' white clothing
    -Shows an interest in stigmatta
    -Listens to Creed or any other socially unacceptable genres of music.
    -Associates with other people that dress, act or speak unimaginatively.

    -Shows an increasing interest in death, angels, miracles, the power of prayer, faith healers, or anything else that involves Jesus.
    -Requests time alone and quietness. (This is so that your child may speak to their "God" through medidtation.)

    -Actually respects authority figures; teachers, priests, nuns and elders are but a few examples of this.
    -Behaves at school.
    -Behaves at home.
    -Eats Cristian-Related foods. ("Life" cereal is an example of this).
    -Drinks Christ's blood or expresses an interest in drinking Christ's Blood.
    -Watches community access television or any other televanglist media sources.

    -Claims to be a Christian.
  39. Well I can't find any direct links as to its origin but I have found several sites that all posted this and all say that the source was a news letter from "St. Mary's Church".

    So maybe it is real...
  40. lePobz

    lePobz Tank

    I was being serious actually, It pisses me off that anyone can have the nerve to put down one lifestyle/belief publically, based solely on their own lifestyle/beliefs. I know this was for a joke but I've seen a lot of real religious propaganda that all religions put out and it's just wrong. They don't have the answers, until they do they can keep their opinions to themselves. If I want to wear black, listen to marilyn manson and pierce my genitals then that's my decision, right?

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