I dont think anyone ever saw THIS: Dorothy had difficulty talking about her rape. She was raped really brutally, like you read about in the paper, with torture and mocking words that haunted her and demolished the sense of self-worth and identity she drew from her feminism and progressive atheist politics. Sometimes she tried to excuse her rapist and blame herself, drawing on her cultural identity and that of her attacker, constructing a narrative of blame rooted in the vast, blind aggregations of socioeconomics and racial/gendered politics. She grew to hate herself and fell farther into a deep depression, withdrawing from friends and family, hiding her sadness like a closet drunk. She worked herself to the bone because it provided a distraction, piling effort upon effort at her non-profit legal defense job, 80 hours a week of low-paying legal defense for the same breed of hardened thugs that defiled her. She hated herself, hated them, and began to have paranoid delusions that their blank, hooded eyes were laughing at her. That they knew what had been done and felt like they owned her entirely - her labor, her body, herself, dominated and diminished by their leering gaze. Then, Dorothy met Stephanie, an encounter that was anything but accident. Stephanie had been at the periphery of the scene. They had seen each other, nodded pleasantly when Dorothy chose to walk that shortcut and Stephanie took a more circuitous route to the same general location through routes more well-traveled by the police. Stephanie had something to say to Dorothy, had pursued her like prey for this purpose, with a bloody-mindedness rooted in righteousness, in God's good graces. "I know what happened. I wanted to explain. God protected me that night. He could have protected you." "What? I don't understand, who are -" "I'm a Christian. I wanted you to know that if you had invoked the genie of my Lord your suffering could have been halted, you could have been spared. Instead, you failed to recite the proper mojo bullshit. You got stung. Straight up, ****ing owned bitch, good game. God laughs at your works and hardships because you give no ****ing props, bitch. Straight up. Straight up."
I'm leaving for a while. Tomorrow morning, which is Friday, I'm leaving for the mountain. It's my grand father's birthday. So we're all going to the mountain. And I shall ski. It will be good.
Okay I'm really starting to freak out about this thing in my neck. The pain is starting up again, very localized to that area and it hurts like an intense dull headache, right in that area. What do I need to do to get this checked at? Just go to a doctor and describe it to them? Do I need to go to a specific doctor?
Is therapy meant to be this... depressing? I feel like half the time he's asking me indirect and misleading questions, and then telling me my answers are "too general" and that I need to be more specific. I really don't think it's in his job description to make me feel like a dumbass, but he's doing it pretty well anyway. :|
He's trying to delve into the issues as slowly as possible so as to rack up the most amount of money.
What thing on your neck? Is it a lymph node? A small but prominent bump? That is a lymph node, and it becomes larger when it is fighting infections and germs. To drink more water, and get more rest if possible would be the best thing you could do. Lymph node: http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=lymph node&btnG=Google Search
I don't know if it is the lymph node. I thought so at first, but I don't know. It's a relatively small bump from where I can feel it... feels solid hard(compared to like, flesh which gives easily). I can feel it through my skin, though it does not actually physically protrude visibly. I haven't been sick at all lately, and I drink absolute tons of filtered water. It's been the same size now for at least a month, which is roughly how long ago I noticed it(even though pain has infrequently been emanating from there for longer than that). Here is a picture where it is on my neck... though this isn't a picture of my neck. Just one I found of the back of a neck. The pain is really intense and persistent but dull right now.
Raz, have someone look at it up close and see if they can identify it. It may be a pimple or mole that only hurts because you have been poking at it so much or whatever. Don't do it anymore. All you have to do is stop. The urge goes away after a little while. Eventually you shouldn't get the urge anymore. It does something when you crack them - fluids build up or something. It's perpetual. The more you crack them, the more you have to crack them.
No... it's beneath the skin. It's an actual physical lump inside my neck, beneath the skin layers. There is no pimple, there is no skin defect at all there. And I haven't been poking it or anything... just occasionally applying pressure and moving my finger over the area to feel if it's still there. And it always is... for a solid month now, no change in size. Applying pressure through the skin to it does not make it hurt. But the area right now is still hurting with this dull aching pain like a headache, but right in that area.
I'm going to. That's why I was asking if there's a certain type of doctor I need to go see... or just the small clinic that we have nearby that I've been to twice. Oh well... <sigh> The real sucky thing is my dad isn't concerned about it at all... he thinks my hearing is a larger issue to be concerned about. rofl... bad priorities. I just need to get a job so I can just take care of this stuff myself.
Free health clinic in your area. Look it up. Google or phone book. I wouldn't worry about it. It's probably fine. Worrying won't help anyway. Actually I feel a bump on my left side in the area just below where you circled. That's a lymph node. There are like 250-500 of them in your body I'm pretty sure. And yes, they are always there, and they can become enlarged for periods of time.
There is no equivalent lump on the left side of my neck that I can feel. it's entirely asymmetrical. And I don't think the lymph node is really that close to the surface like this is... but honestly I don't know. All I know is there's lots of pain coming from it. And of course worrying won't help... that's why I intend to go get it checked out when I can. I don't want to be one of those people who feels their nuts and notices a lump and goes, "Oh it's probably nothing... just some swelling, it'll subside!" and develop cancer later on down the road... lol Besides... just because it's a lymph node and swollen, I don't think it means it is harmless. Lymph nodes are especially susceptible to cancer.
yes, they extrude. They cause lumps on the surface. It shouldn't cause very much pain at all, sometimes they can be just a little sore when they are enlarged. And I only have it on the one side as well. They are blocking infections from every day contact with germs. It's part of your immune system and I think what you have is completely normal.
The severe dull pain in that part of the head is normal? When I get headaches I never get them on the back of my head... ever Headache and migraine pain when I get frequently has always been near my left eye and sometimes my right eye. If it wasn't for the pain I wouldn't have noticed the lump. Anyways... no sense in talking about it more... I'm just going to get it checked out.
All the light switches and doorknobs and keyboards, mice, microwave buttons, stove knobs... all non-food contact surfaces - hit them all with Lysol or an equivalent.