Jehovah witness attack!

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by hool10, Jan 28, 2006.

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  1. Hide in my den with at least 8 hours of supplies (and guns).

    7 vote(s)
    11.5%
  2. Take a paintball gun and pick them off like a zombie horde.

    28 vote(s)
    45.9%
  3. Yell, "I have no religion!"

    16 vote(s)
    26.2%
  4. Other

    10 vote(s)
    16.4%
  1. hool10

    hool10 Tank

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    My entire neighborhood is under attack by tons, I mean tons of Jehovah witnesses! :eek: I already said, "no thanks" to one group but upon opening my door and looking around they're all over my neighborhood. It looks like Halloween with Jehovah witnesses in the end of January! I never seen this many of them at one time, they appeared out of thin air! It's like a mass alien invasion! What should I do? :eek:
     
  2. OCybrManO

    OCybrManO Newbie

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    Call everyone in your neighborhood and get them all to join you in a massive satanic ritual. That ought to do it. I think they would get the hint.
     
  3. Flyingdebris

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    i hide and make no noise
     
  4. Hectic Glenn

    Hectic Glenn Site Director
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    3rd option, i want to see you suffer a slow painful death :D

    JESUS DIED BECAUSE HE LOVED US SO MUCH!
     
  5. Kamikazie

    Kamikazie Tank

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    yell at the bastards, and dont fall for the little children, they are all SATAN!
     
  6. Ennui

    Ennui The Freeman

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    Put up a "Solicitors will be fired upon" sign in your yard.

    Then wait in the window with a paintball gun and a video camera. Film them seeing the sign, so they can't sue you for shooting them with the paintball gun, and then you'll also have footage of you shooting Jehovah's Witnesses that will make you an internet celebrity.
     
  7. Shodan

    Shodan Tank

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    Just be completly insane, I always do it.

    Internet fads are great for scaring people off, chase them screaming "WE HAVE YOU POST" or "HABEEB IT!"
     
  8. 15357

    15357 Companion Cube

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    call the military/police and say that you are under attack by communists.
     
  9. Ennui

    Ennui The Freeman

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    ROFL
    or you could pull out the famous

    "YUO NOT ALLOWED TO TALK!!"
     
  10. Shodan

    Shodan Tank

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    "Hello, what service do you require?"

    "Army please"

    "What? thats not a service"

    "Can't you just send some people with guns then?"

    "Don't call unless you have an actual emergancy"

    True Story
     
  11. hool10

    hool10 Tank

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    Hmm seems like they are leaving. And damn they better not use my driveway as a turn-around! Whole bunch of them are done with this part of the neighborhood and are going further in. This topic is so funny. :smoking:
     
  12. 15357

    15357 Companion Cube

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    lol. We have a military hotline here. (113)
     
  13. Jangle

    Jangle Tank

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    In what situation could you possibly need to call an army?
     
  14. 15357

    15357 Companion Cube

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    #1 You see an N.Korean Submarine

    #2 You see people grouped together with red flags

    #3 You see soldiers advancing towards a city/border

    #4 You see a guy yelling "communism is great, lol!"

    #5 You think that that guy over there/your sister/your teacher is a spy.

    ect.
     
  15. Solaris

    Solaris Party Escort Bot

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    #6 You see someone display original thought.
     
  16. Beerdude26

    Beerdude26 Party Escort Bot

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  17. Icarusintel

    Icarusintel Newbie

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    You got lucky this time - don;t forgot, all Jehovah's Witnesses are cannibals - true fact
     
  18. ailevation

    ailevation Don't toke Sour Diesel

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    Upside down cross on your frontyard. They'll stay away =).
     
  19. JNightshade

    JNightshade Newbie

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    When they arive, say "Hey, that's not right! I told the guy I wanted you to be dressed as nurses!"

    They'll never come back.
     
  20. Uriel

    Uriel Tank

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    Call in the Mormons

    :sniper:
     
  21. Skaadi

    Skaadi Tank

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    I'm so happy, I only get JW's at my house about once every 4 months or so, and thats just to drop off magazines as there is one JW in my family (there used to be two but I lost faith in any religion a while ago). I pity all of you who get them on a regular basis.

    I feel sorry for one of my friends though, her dad invited either a JW or a mormon (I forget which) inside their house so he could pray with them, and he isnt a member of either religion.:|
     
  22. The Monkey

    The Monkey The Freeman

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    Have a huge sex ritual in front of them, while yelling, "I'm greater than Jesus".
     
  23. Flyingdebris

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    note, telling them you will read their pamphlet in the vain hope that they'll leave you alone will not work. They will only come back later to annoy you again.

    However next time you encounter a JW, try and ask them why they believe jesus ascended into the kingdom of heaven in 1914. I shit you not, they believe that.
     
  24. Sulkdodds

    Sulkdodds Companion Cube

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    Why didn't you shoot them with paintball guns? :(

    Seriously, I have seen the evil and the rage that boils behind the placid eyes of every single one of those people. I have seen it myself, up close, in-yer-face. And it is not a pretty sight.
     
  25. short recoil

    short recoil Newbie

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    Strip off, paint yourself red all over and stick horns on and then run at them as fast as you can with your cock out.
    That'll see them off.
     
  26. DeusExMachina

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    That'll probably alert the police too...
     
  27. short recoil

    short recoil Newbie

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    Good, then they'll see the JW are causing a nuisance.
     
  28. Voodoo_Chile

    Voodoo_Chile Newbie

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    Actually I really wonder what happens if a JW calls to a Mormon house-hold(or vice versa). Do they get into an infinate loop of trying to convert one another till the end of time?

    Plus do they have running Street battles when they both meet one another attempting to convert the same neighbourhood? Or partake in Drive-By Prayer recitals.
     
  29. Solaris

    Solaris Party Escort Bot

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    Roflmao
     
  30. Edcrab

    Edcrab Veteran Incompetent

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    JWs haunt me... poor fools.

    Try a "no visitors except by prior arrangement" sign- one of my neighbours, honest to god, had that up on his door even though he was an instrusive Witness himself...

    I'd be tempted to put up a "No thanks, I'm a Protestant" sign somewhere...
     
  31. Solaris

    Solaris Party Escort Bot

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    I always wanted to put up a

    "Keep guns Legal" Sign to deter Bugulars.
     
  32. Lou

    Lou Newbie

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    The next time Jehovah's witnesses harass you, do this: open the door fully nacked and, if possible, having an erection. They will never knock on your door again. They will even tell their Jehovah's witness friends not to knock on your door again. Do it, it works.
     
  33. kirovman

    kirovman Tank

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    Just rant at them about a lot of religious things until they feel uncomfortable and leave. Even if they don't leave, you've got a ready-made arguement on your hands, which could get heated. Enjoy!
     
  34. Beerdude26

    Beerdude26 Party Escort Bot

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    Lol open the door while you're banging your girlfriend/wife :LOL:

    If the JW are old they'll probably have a heart attack :p
     
  35. gick

    gick Newbie

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    I wouldnt recommend telling them that you're a Satanist. I tried it once and ended up getting leaflets, letters and pamphlets from them every day for months.
     
  36. DeusExMachina

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    Couldn't that be considered harassment?

    Couldn't a JW even talking to you be harassment as they're trying to convert you?
     
  37. JNightshade

    JNightshade Newbie

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    When Jehova's Witnesses and Mormons collide, you end up with West Side Story, only with more prayer and less sinful dancing.
     
  38. RakuraiTenjin

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    Just tell them you've already been saved and they'll stop coming.
     
  39. Flyingdebris

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    you know, i bet all the stuff people do to scare JWs away is causing an infinite cause and effect loop

    Think about it. If you are a JW, you must see thousands of people doing creepy shit trying to annoy you or drive you off. This of course would cause you to step up your efforts of trying to save and reform the wicked. This of course causes people to do more drastic things to scare off JWs which leads to an endless loop of one upmanship.
     
  40. LiquidToast

    LiquidToast Newbie

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    My favorite way to get rid of them is to answer my door naked and invite them in.
     

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