JEESE That's expensive!!! D:

Discussion in 'General Gaming' started by AHA-Lambda, Jan 11, 2010.

  1. AHA-Lambda

    AHA-Lambda Newbie

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  2. Darkside55

    Darkside55 The Freeman

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    Why would you want to buy a terrible game series for £110? It's not even worth £1.
     
  3. AHA-Lambda

    AHA-Lambda Newbie

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  4. lame-o

    lame-o Newbie

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  5. Vegeta897

    Vegeta897 Banned as all fuck

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    **** YEAH STREET SHARKS

    Also lol "jeese"
     
  6. Darkside55

    Darkside55 The Freeman

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    Because there's no way that someone calling GoW bad could be anything but a troll, right?

    The first God of War was an exercise in repetition. It was absolute dog meat. The game broke my heart because by the time I got past the desert, I realized that I was just hitting square over and over until I needed to perform what amounts to one-handed DDR to execute CRAZY ACTION SCENE. The game tries to through some bullshit 'puzzles' at you to try and break up the monotony, but ultimately all it succeeds in doing is making you wonder "Why the fuck am I doing this, again?"

    GoW II simply builds on the first with more mythological fanwankery, the exact same mechanics, shitty environment puzzles, and more MASH MASH MASH with the occasional PRESS TRIANGLE THEN CIRCLE TO WIN to dazzle you into believing you're actually playing a game of merit, because cool-looking, gory deaths are going on onscreen. (Gory death scenes judged to be "cool-looking" by an expert panel of 14-year-olds who convinced their mothers to buy this game for them or they'd hate them forever) You're given these visually masturbatory sequences to trick you into believing that what you're doing is anything more than bashing yourself in the dick with the controller.

    GoW made me fucking hate action games until God Hand came along. In God of War I saw the death of a genre, an utterly lamentable, no-skill hack-n-slasher that can easily be completed with OCD-like button pressing. It is truly sad that this game is so heavily praised by damn near everyone under the sun, because it really speaks for what gaming has become: an exercise in monotony with some flash and flare thrown in your face to mesmerize you and hold your interest through ten hours of the exact same shit over and over and over. GoW seemed like the death knell to a once beautiful genre, except it was being praised like Sony had descended from Olympus, covered your shaft in gold, and sucked you off.

    What's also lamentable is that around the same time GoW came out, Rygar received a sequel after fifteen years and nobody gave a shit. A sequel that was goddamned beautiful, but nobody gave a shit because MASH MASH MASH SQUARE TRIANGLE CIRCLE I JUST RIPPED OUT A CYCLOPS' EYE OMG THIS GAME R SO GUD.






    Also, Lame-O: Jabberjaw's family reunion.
     
  7. StarBob

    StarBob Tank

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    I wish that I had Jesse's giiiirlll...
     
  8. Rizzo

    Rizzo Tank

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    Go **** yourself Darkside. Seriously, the **** are you talking about.

    You rip, a cyclops, eye out... It's eye. You ****ing rip, IT'S EYE OUT SON!! HOW CAN YOU NOT ****ING LOVE THAT SHIT?
    You also tear off the medusa head, you rip and tear mother ****ers up! RIP AND TEAR! You whip giant horse statues to drag a ****ing Island, you stab Zeus, you ****ing kill the God of war Ares. Kill him. Dead. You time travel, and mess up some serious shit.
    God Hand? In God of war, Kratos got DOG HANDS! SHIT YEAH!

    Go play a lame ass arcade game or something. Leave God of war to the cool kidz.
     
  9. Acepilotf14

    Acepilotf14 Sucked so much dick for this title

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    Psh, I spent more on a PVC model of my waifu.
     
  10. DiscoBiscuit

    DiscoBiscuit Newbie

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    I had all the action figures. This was my favorite show, still is. sad that they don't show it anymore.
     
  11. Sedako

    Sedako Chuck Steak

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    God Hand and God of War aren't even the same type of game. Beating up enemies is the only real similarity. Not sure why you're even bothering to compare them. Regardless, I enjoy both games for what they are. Last time I checked, Video Games were classified as a form of entertainment, and for me and many others, God of War fulfills that role sublimely. Your aggression shouldn't be focused at the game, but at the reviewers who panned God Hand because they got their asses handed to them and gave up. Had God Hand been award the scores it rightly deserves, it most likely would have sold far better than it did and established itself among the greats.
     
  12. the cow says moo

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    ^God Hand and God of War are both action games. This is why Darkside was comparing them. Or so I presume.
     
  13. Sedako

    Sedako Chuck Steak

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    "Action" is an extremely vague description. God Hand is more of a straight out brawler while god of war has a lot of different gameplay elements.. As I mentioned, aside from beating the snot out of enemies, as with many games, the similarities end there.
     
  14. Darkside55

    Darkside55 The Freeman

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    Ok, I will go play an arcade game that lets me fuck up cyclopses. (Cyclopsii?)

    [​IMG]

    Also if I remember right you kill medusae too.

    I wasn't comparing them. I said GoW made me hate the genre until God Hand came along. That's not a comparison, that's really just an aside. I played GoW and it made me hate an entire genre. And as Cow pointed out, they're both in the same genre. "Action" games are just beat 'em ups with weapons.

    If I would directly compare GoW to anything, it'd be Rygar. They've got the same setting and everything. Yet Rygar managed to not be bollocks.

    Also, the "video games are meant to be entertainment" argument is something I honestly detest. That they're meant to entertain you is obvious: they're called GAMES. However, this does not mean that everything that one might find entertainment in is a good video game. It simply speaks of the person enjoying said game. I'm sure there is someone out there that thinks Superman 64 is entertaining. There's no accounting for taste; even if GoW 'fulfilled its role' it is undoubtedly a shitty video game with a boringly thin story, lame RAAAAAAARGH I'M SO HARDCORE I KILL GODS BLAAAARGH protagonist, simple mechanics, repetitive gameplay, hamfisted puzzles, over-the-top gore meant to appeal to a MATURE GAMES FOR MATURE GAMERS LIKE MYSELF crowd, a gimmicky use of QTE that's been so lauded by reviewers and the masses alike that QTE is actually attributed to God of War when that shit's been around since Dragon's Lair.

    GoW is also to blame for shit we've gotten like Rise of the Argonauts and Dante's Inferno. Its baffling (or perhaps not so baffling, given the demographic) success has shown developers of action games that all they need to succeed in sales is some button mashing and a QTE every now and then. Production values, story, and innovation be damned; this shit's like God of War! Hey everybody, you like God of War, don't you? Well get hyped because these games are JUST LIKE THAT!

    GoW is a piece of shit that has not only managed to clog its own toiletbowl but has spread down the pipes into the river, growing and spreading like a perverse form of living excrement, sowing its fecal seeds into the resevoir of the action subgenre, where games devour its gooey brown mechanics willingly, shoveling it into open and salivating mouths, which is then passed on to gamers. Gamers who fail to realize what they're playing is shit, and eagerly gobble up helping after helping that developers churn out while they masturbate to their feces-gotten profits.

    El

    oh

    el
     
  15. Sedako

    Sedako Chuck Steak

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    Sometimes you remind me of a verbose Samon. Then other times you remind me of the babe.

    That game has not aged well.
     
  16. Darkside55

    Darkside55 The Freeman

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    What babe?
     
  17. 15357

    15357 Companion Cube

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    I'm more concerned about this than the rest of the thread, but oh what the hell.


    Who pays £110 for a game, anyway?
     
  18. lefty

    lefty Tank

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    The babe with the power.
     
  19. Paskiewicz

    Paskiewicz Newbie

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    wtf? That's insane. o_o
     
  20. Combine Hybrid

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    GOW is ****ing overrated as much as gears of war or halo.
     
  21. Eejit

    Eejit The Freeman

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    What power?
     
  22. Warbie

    Warbie Party Escort Bot

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    The power of .... i'm not doing this :p
     
  23. lefty

    lefty Tank

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    SUCK


    the power of voodoo...
     
  24. MorganFreeman911

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    Greyskull?
     
  25. Wanted Bob

    Wanted Bob Companion Cube

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    Skelator > He-Man
     
  26. Acepilotf14

    Acepilotf14 Sucked so much dick for this title

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    Oh, I love you, numbers.
     
  27. Gargantou

    Gargantou Companion Cube

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    Yet IMO both Gears of War and Halo are great series.

    *Hides*
     
  28. VirusType2

    VirusType2 Newbie

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    Opps, never mind. I like Gears of War, it's pretty cool.
     
  29. Eejit

    Eejit The Freeman

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    It's for people with more money than sense I suppose.
    Who do?
     
  30. Vegeta897

    Vegeta897 Banned as all fuck

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    You do!

    DANCE MAGIC DANCE
     
  31. Darkside55

    Darkside55 The Freeman

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    Do what?!
     
  32. StardogChampion

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    Agreed here.

    As someone who grew up playing all those ancient brawlers like Double Dragon and onwards, I thought GoW was dull as hell.

    It's the same with Call of Duty - dull, dull, dull, dull, dull. If you're still excited for that series then you're probably 14 and/or retarded.
     
  33. Eejit

    Eejit The Freeman

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    Remind me of the babe!
     
  34. Bob_Marley

    Bob_Marley Tank

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    What babe?
     
  35. lefty

    lefty Tank

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    I saw my baby, crying hard as babe could cry...
     
  36. Gargantou

    Gargantou Companion Cube

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    Is excited the same as enjoying?

    Because as overhyped as CoD games are, I still usually find them to be an enjoyable one-playthrough game.

    And I'm not 14 nor am I retarded, I'm in fact in the upper 2 percentiles of my population in terms of not-being retardeded!
     
  37. Danimal

    Danimal Companion Cube

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    ITT: Lambda complains about three games costing the price of one in Australia.
     
  38. AHA-Lambda

    AHA-Lambda Newbie

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  39. Darkside55

    Darkside55 The Freeman

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    ITT: nobody knew what kind of magic spell to use.
     
  40. Danimal

    Danimal Companion Cube

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    One that gives me plane tickets to [Canada]
     

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